Mama's & Meltdowns Revisited

April 2, 2018 Katherine Biggs

As a counselor, I have always been interested in anxiety, depression, and mood disorders. These issues affect a large population of people, the symptoms range from minor to severe, both environmental and genetic factors play a factor; all pretty interesting details for a counselor. And while perinatal/postpartum depression and mood disorders fall into that category, my specific interest in the area wasn’t peaked until I had children of my own.

When I became a mom, all of a sudden I was hit in the face with fear, anxiety, isolation, guilt, pressure, and emotions ranging from pure love to pure imposter-syndrome. We’ve all had that before, right? The moment when you look around and ask yourself “who said I could do THIS”. (BTW, imposter-syndrome NOT a real syndrome, but it does happen to us all!)

So back to counseling, pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, postpartum, infertility, all of these stages or issues are anxiety-inducing hormonal roller coaster rides all on their own. Then when you throw in something like postpartum depression, mood disorder, OCD, panic disorder, anxiety, and all of sudden you are in a virtual gauntlet of motherhood. Not to mention the fact that there could be a baby to take care of, other little ones in the house, a spouse, family, friends, etc. contributing to your feeling of well-being (or not) on a moment-to-moment basis.

Did you know?

· 60% of women experience some type of mood change during pregnancy and post-delivery

· 15-30% report significant depression following childbirth

· 50% of “postpartum” issues begin BEFORE delivery, and can occur within the first YEAR

· Partners and spouses are also known to be at risk for developing depression during this time

Did you also know that risk factors for perinatal & postpartum depression include:

· C-section

· Pregnancy/birth and breastfeeding complications

· Diabetes

· Lack of social/emotional support

· Stressful life events, like a move, job loss, etc.

What does this all mean for you or your loved one who is struggling, or at risk for perinatal and/or postpartum mood issues? Research tells us that baby thrives when mom is doing well. I whole-heartedly believe that it takes a village, and we need to support not only mom and baby, but their village too.

As a counselor, I bring my professional experience, as well as my personal understanding as a mom, to the counseling relationship. We treat the individual client, as well as the family as a complete unit. I offer my perinatal and postpartum clients 5 valuable services.

1. Mobile therapy sessions in your home, for the first one or two sessions, to get you started. I know it takes awhile to get to the point where you can brush your teeth and leave the house in the same day with a new baby and/or pregnancy.

2. Whole-picture support. I will see you on an individual basis, but will also ask that we include your spouse and/or support system along the way. When mom is happy, everyone thrives. I will look at the “whole picture” and develop a treatment plan right for you, and your family.

3. Free weekly support groups, where you can meet other women trying to figure out this motherhood thing. Personally, I am forever thankful for my “mommy-friends”, it is amazingly grounding to realize you are not alone and you’re in it together.

Additionally, we have free weekly support groups for parents of kids with special needs, and those navigating life after loss, to help families in all stages.

4. Consultation. If needed, I can work with your family doctor, or OBGYN, to discuss medication options.

5. Additional resources. In some cases additional support, outside of individual therapy, may be needed. When this happens, I work with mom and the family to find the right fit and services.

In conclusion, I want you to know that, as predictable as it sounds coming from a therapist, you are truly not alone. You need to find your village, your tribe, whatever that looks like; and when you do don't let go...they need you as much as you need them.

Have a topic you'd like me to discuss, let me know.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

References

Clout, D., & Brown, R. (2015). Sociodemographic, pregnancy, obstetric, and postnatal

predictors of postpartum stress, anxiety and depression in new mothers. Journal of Affective Disorders, 188, 60-67.

Perinatal Depression and Anxiety Australia. (2015). Impact of postnatal depression (Data

file). Retrieved from http://www.panda.org.au/practical-information/about-postnatal-depression

Philips, M.L. (2011). Treating postpartum depression. Monitor on Psychology, 42(2), 6.

Postpartum Progress. http://www.postpartumprogress.com

Do You Need A Break?

March 25, 2018 Katherine Biggs

By Elizabeth Skrovanek

We all have those weeks- the ones where we are racing from one thing to another, trying to plan out assignments for the week, and stopping at the grocery store AGAIN, because you seem to always be out of milk. Weeks like these cause our stress levels to accelerate, because our life is based on responsibilities. After all, you are an adult who can function under all types of pressure. But who can blame you? In a society where the answer to a stressful day is an extra shot of espresso, it can be difficult to recognize the difference between just making an excuse and being exhausted. Although ignoring your obligations is not the answer, sometimes taking a break is just the ticket needed to recharge.

Recently, a web developer from Ann Arbor, MI, emailed her colleagues to say that she would be using two sick days to focus on her mental health. This story has sparked discussion across major media outlets about workplace mental health. Her boss thanked her for the candour, especially since she is not alone. Millions of American’s experience mental illness each year. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say that only 17% of adults are considered to be in a state of optimal mental health (Reeves et al, 2011).

When you are sick, you might take a day off work. However, mental health rarely gets the same respect. Instead, people are told to ‘get over it’ when they might be struggling with depression, anxiety or similar issues. But what some people do not realize is that mental health is part of your overall health. If it is not addressed, you won’t be able to perform at your best.

By taking note of these four signs, you might be able to rest your mind and reward yourself with the difference that it might make in the future.

When you constantly seem to be sick

This past month may have been rough. A sinus infection that emerged at the start of a particularly busy week is now accompanied by a nagging cough that doesn’t seem to be going away. While you cannot control your body’s immune system, it is not a coincidence that you seem to get sick during the most inconvenient times. Why? Because life events trigger an amount of stress that causes extra toll on our bodies. To avoid the domino effect of illnesses, take a mental break and prepare for swamped weeks by sticking to a schedule that will allow you the sleep and nutrition needed to feel better and perform your best. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you- it is really good at giving you a heads up, telling you when it is reaching its breaking point.

When you are tired, but cannot sleep

Overworking yourself mentally can lead to physical exhaustion. When someone is physically exhausted, they either need to sleep all the time or they simply cannot fall asleep once they go to bed. And it is no secret that when your sleep suffers, so does your health. When you are constantly facing high stress levels, you can develop insomnia. When this develops, it is best to just take a rest day to sleep, take a good long nap and just relax. It could be just the remedy to get your head and body in tune again.

You are irritable

I’m not saying that everyone is a perfect angel, but when you start getting irritated at small things that would not normally bother you, it could be that your nerves are fired up and you are mentally shorting out. Spending a day away from these things that bother you could help ease up some of the aggression and could also help save some work relationships or friendships.

Loss of focus

When there is just so much going on at work, school or home and your brain just can’t seem to keep track of anything, it can lead to making are less mistakes or even higher stress levels. By taking a day off from the madness, it could be just the ticket to help you recharge and regroup.

*Elizabeth Skrovanek is a doctoral student at the University of Pittsburgh with research interests in the psychological aspects of genetic disease and fertility. She completed her BS in Nursing at the University of Pittsburgh in 2014 and has worked primarily with postpartum women and their families. Her current area of study is centered around genetic predisposition, fertility and quality of life of women at high risk for breast and ovarian cancer. She maintains active membership in several national nursing organizations and has presented at local, national and international conferences.

Reeves WC, Strine TW, Pratt LA, et al. Mental illness surveillance among adults in the United States. MMWR. 2011;60(3):1–32. Atlanta, GA: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Available from http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/su6003a1.htm?s_cid=su6003a1_w

The Power of Owning Your Shit

March 18, 2018 Katherine Biggs

Typically, I find inspiration for blog posts through themes that reoccur in both my personal and professional life, this one is no different. I’ve been working a lot with clients lately on acceptance. The act of accepting aspects of life/relationships/etc., whether you like the way it is or not, can be one of the most difficult skills to practice. This theme has also come up a lot in my personal life as well. Recently, I had a colleague give me some really good straight forward advice…. own it, then it can’t own you. In other words, accept it and move on.

We all have skeletons in our closet, things about ourselves we wish we never did, never happened. We all have strengths, weakness, moments in life of great darkness and great light. We would love to focus all of our attention, and the attention of others, on those moments of light, on our strengths. But unfortunately, that’s not reality. Reality is beautiful and ugly all wrapped into one. We can’t have the good without the bad, the strength without the weakness, the light without the dark. We must own our shit because there’s no getting rid of it or living life without it, and if we don’t own it….it will own us!

So, what happens when we don’t own our shit? When we don't accept it? We get stuck, we get slumped. And as Dr. Seuss put it, “un-slumping yourself is not easily done.” If you don’t own it, it will own you, and you will struggle, you will be stuck. Owning your shit is the difference between struggling and healing. You need that ownership to move past the hurt, the disappointment, the embarrassment, the dark, to get to the healing, the growth, the strength, the light.

In 1943, Abraham Maslow suggested that humans have a hierarchy of needs in regard to development. In his theory, one cannot move through the hierarchy until the fundamental needs/stages are met or conquered. If you do not learn the lesson/acquire the knowledge/conquer the stage, you cannot move on to the next stage of development, thus being stuck in the stage you are in.

The goal in life, according to Maslow, is that all individuals move through the stages and work toward self-actualization, and even beyond with self-transcendence, before death. We could talk for days about Maslow and his hierarchy of needs, but in short, he’s saying own your shit or it’ll own you.

What does all this mean then for those of us who are stuck? It means we must increase our self-awareness through exploration of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and how those come into play for us. We must not only identify what is getting us stuck, but we have to name it, put words to it and what it means to us. We have to write our own narrative, of both our past and our present, in order to get on to the future.

What I challenge you then to do is simply, own your shit. Be proud of your struggle, because it means you are a survivor. Find strength in knowing yourself and understanding the real you. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small or large they may seem. Acknowledge and own your weaknesses/scars/trauma/darkness, so that it no longer owns you and you can find the light ahead.

And as Dr. Seuss also said, “your mountain is waiting, so…get on your way!”

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

Crushing That Enemy Called Self-Criticism

March 11, 2018 Katherine Biggs

By Elizabeth Skrovanek

We’ve all had it. That really ugly feeling that bubbles in the pit of your stomach after you’ve bombed a really hard exam, or you’ve messed up a presentation that was worth 40% of your grade. We all want to be good, or great, at our job so a misstep can leave us feeling vulnerable. In our heads, we immediately start launching harsh criticisms about ourselves, ruminating on our incompetence, or how we are not up to the standard that we should be. We live in a world where no one expects more of us than ourselves, and these negative thoughts collect in our mind and self-criticism is what results from it.

Although there is nothing wrong with wanting to be the very best self that you can be, the act of continuously putting yourself down is likely the reason why you feel that you are struggling with achieving this.

Recognize what makes you unique

God did not make each person the same; everyone is unique for a reason. Often times, we get caught up dwelling on the traits that we feel need to be fixed, rather than the ones that are already worth noticing. By allowing yourself the chance to appreciate everything that makes you, you, the perspective that you have for yourself will shine, and your patience to make yourself better will strengthen. Instead of selling yourself short, recognize that the traits that YOU are proud of, are the ones that matter. Accept compliments that are given to you and embrace them- sometimes these might even been qualities that you didn’t know you had! In a leadership class in high school we were taught about writing 1-2 reasons for why you appreciate yourself at the end of each day. At the end of the month, it’s amazing to see all of the qualities that make you a unique person.

Understand and Confront your Inner Critic

Behind every negative thought is an underlying issue that stems from it. By recognizing and discovering yours, you may be able to defeat this inner battle. Your thoughts greatly influence how you feel and behave, and this can cause negative self-talk to become downright self-destructive. Regardless of what happened, the handle that you have on your life is only as strong as the control that you have on your thoughts. It is important to be mindful of your thoughts.

One way to help be cognizant of this is to reframe negative statements- instead of thinking ‘I was late to class because I can never do anything right’, instead think ‘I was late to class because there was traffic. Next time I will leave earlier, maybe I’ll have extra time to grab a cup of coffee!’. By recognizing the enemy is self-blame, it can help us to increase our sense of self and weaken our internal enemy.

Appreciate your Successes

Yes, I will be the first to admit it, life is hard! Moments of success are meant to be highlighted. Whether it’s because you successfully got up every morning without hitting snooze on your alarm for a week, or if it’s because you finally nailed that goal weight you’ve been striving to achieve, it’s important to take time out of the day to recognize your accomplishments. In the end, you are doing the best that you can, and you should not be dwelling on the things that you cannot do, instead focus on what you can.

**Elizabeth Skrovanek is a doctoral student at the University of Pittsburgh with research interests in the psychological aspects of genetic disease and fertility. She completed her BS in Nursing at the University of Pittsburgh in 2014 and has worked primarily with postpartum women and their families. Her current area of study is centered around genetic predisposition, fertility and quality of life of women at high risk for breast and ovarian cancer. She maintains active membership in several national nursing organizations and has presented at local, national and international conferences.

Where Is The Village When We Need It?

February 25, 2018 Katherine Biggs

Last week I wrote about the increased lack of familial support in parenting, and the distress it causes for those of us navigating its bumpy waters. This week, I would like to take that issue a step further and explore whether or not this change in how we raise our children is contributing to the increased suicidal and homicidal behaviors of teenagers and young adults. We again faced a situation where a young adult intentionally took the lives of several students and teachers. Would this have been preventable had the individual had more of a family presence in his life? We certainly won’t ever know that answer, but I think it is worth discussing.

Let me be clear, this is a very polarizing and political issue, which we don’t need to debate here. Politics aside, focusing on the mental health aspect, does the lack of familial support contribute to the increase of severe mental health symptoms in young people today? We know that the shooter in Florida was adopted and had recently lost both of his adopted parents. Clearly, he felt as though he had nowhere to go, no one to turn to, and was living with various friends and acquaintances who would take him in. Did he have family members to turn to, adopted or biological? Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents – did he have anyone he felt would protect him, or listen to him, if he shared his thoughts of violence?

Again, I want to be clear that I am not at all blaming the family in this situation. But could we have prevented this, and other tragedies like it, if we were providing our kids with the village it takes to raise them? We are seeing more suicidal behaviors in young children due to bullying, more self-harm and suicidal ideation in teenagers because of the pressure to fit in, and an increase in depression rates linked to social media and screen time for kids of all ages. If we had more family support for everyone involved, would we be able to prevent some of these symptoms? Yes, I believe we would have a better chance of preventing tragedies if we truly had the entire village involved in raising our kids.

Parenting is tough, I mean really tough. There’s no instruction manual, no rule book, and very little support especially for families where both parents are working. As parents, who do we turn to when we have questions on a daily basis about behavior, setting boundaries, and allowing for independence. Some of us are lucky enough to have involved family members nearby willing to help out and offer guidance. But a lot of us have had to relocate due to jobs and have found ourselves raising kids in strange cities with no real support systems. Talk about setting ourselves up for failure, we’re out on an island trying to figure out how to tame these savage beasts we call toddlers with no life line in sight. Is it all that surprising our kids are more depressed, more stressed, and reporting more mental health symptoms than in generations before?

So what now? HELP PLEASE!! It really DOES take a village, and we need all hands-on deck. Parents need help, kids need help, parents-to-be need help. If you are a sister, brother, aunt, uncle, grandparent, mother, father – be there for your family. If you know someone who is a parent-to-be, talk to them about how you can help and be there for them. Look for the signs of postpartum depression and mood symptoms in both parents, mom and dad. Once the baby arrives, ask what you can do to help. Bring food, wash baby clothes, be someone to call in the middle of the night when the baby won’t stop crying.

As children grow, teach them through your actions that they have people in their lives who love and support them outside of just mom and dad. When teenagers become impossible, be there as a shoulder to cry on, or the friend who shows up with pizza and wine when you know mom and dad have had a rough week. Even if you’re not nearby, you can make your presence known and felt for parents and kids. Regular phone calls, Facetime/Skype dates, and thoughtful “checking-in” text messages can mean the world to a struggling mom or angry teenager. Use the technology we have in our everyday lives for good, use it to be the village we need, support those in your life so that they may grow to support others.

Kindness is good karma, keep it going.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

It Takes A Village, So Where Is Mine?

February 18, 2018 Katherine Biggs

*Disclaimer: I understand that by writing this, I may upset the grandparents in my life. But I am hoping that they, as well as all grandparents reading this, understand that this is an observation I find interesting, that’s it. This is not a judgement of the “right” or “wrong” way to parent, or grandparent. In the end, I do not believe there is a “right” or “wrong” way to parent, within reason, there is a way that works for you and your family, and one that does not. With that in mind, here we go….

It takes a village to raise a child, right? But what happens when you have to pay your villagers? I have noticed a new trend that has been a topic of discord lately among my friends and clients who are parents. The lifestyle, and subsequent availability, of grandparents today.

Growing up, those of us who are parents now, often had our grandparents as caregivers. We were some of the first latch key kids, our moms were more often single-parents than the generations before us, and it was more common than in years past to have both of our parents working. Therefore, families became more reliant on grandparents for everyday responsibilities in the lives of their children.

We grew up with the expectation that grandparents played this role, and perhaps came to believe we would have this same situation when we became parents. We assumed we would have a free on-call babysitter if we lived in proximity to our parents or in-laws. However, now that we have started our families and are in need of that service, we are realizing that our parents, the new grandparents, are not at all as we expected.

Grandparents today are traveling more, working later in life, and even taking on second careers in their “retirement”. It is not unusual for grandparents to have social causes, activities, and commitments that are well beyond the social lives of their predecessors. They are not the willing and available grandparents of our childhood, they are active adults with many adventures still on their to-do lists. And we, as the parents, are finding ourselves desperately searching for villagers to help raise our children.

The desperate search for quality childcare, a replacement for the grandparents of our childhood, has opened up the opportunity for those in a position to benefit tremendously from this need. In affluent areas, it is common for nannies to have masters degrees in education and similar fields. A great nanny is an integral piece of daily life for dual-income families, and they will often offer generous benefits and flexibility to the person in that position. Certainly, better benefits, pay, and scheduling options than some teaching positions in public schools.

This leaves us with grandparents living much different lives than in generations before, nannies with masters’ degrees driving carpool, and parents feeling as though they HAVE to work to pay for childcare that they NEED simply to go to work. But where does this leave our kids? Are they better off with more highly trained individuals, or with loved ones who may not be as up-to-date on the best apps as their counterparts?

You tell me. Who is in your village?

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety.....And More Anxiety!

February 9, 2018 Katherine Biggs

Last week I wrote about what anxiety is in a general sense, this week I want to talk about what it does to us as individuals. We know that the root of anxiety is part nature, part nurture. Additionally, our lifestyle decisions can either enhance or diminish our our anxiety. There is a basic genetic component to anxiety, some of us are just born more anxious than others. It’s in our genes.

Then there is the nurture part, or the learned behavior. Anxious moms raise anxious kids, in part, because the children learn the anxious behaviors from their parents. If both of your parents are anxious people, then you definitely need to keep reading because the next part is where your choices come into play.

The third component to anxiety involves our lifestyle choices. Some of us choose jobs or relationships, or both, that support our anxiety. We may seek out situations where hypervigilance to detail is needed, and even rewarded. In some cases, the need to make all the plans and decisions, to ensure they are complete and accurate, is appreciated. But do these circumstances use our anxiety, or anxious behaviors, in a productive way, or do they mask a problem that is causing undue stress? Only you can be the judge.

What aspects of our daily life either enhance or diminish our anxiety?

If you call/text your spouse and they don’t return your message right away, what do you do/feel? Are you ok with that feeling/action? Does it cause issues in your relationship?
If you’re getting ready to leave the house with your kids, and you’re not running late (does that really ever happen?), how long are you able to let your little one struggle with their zipper/shoes/socks before you jump in and do it for them? Does that help either of you? And does it really matter if you’re a few minutes late to the park?
At the office, do you come in early/stay late/skip lunch to check and double-check details? Is this rewarded, or expected? How does this behavior affect your life, if at all, and your health both mental and physical?

Let me be clear, I’m not suggesting that you quit your job, leave your spouse, or completely change your life to manage anxiety. I am however, suggesting that if you identify with some of these behaviors, and you’re not happy with how anxiety is affecting your life, you may want to be aware of the choices you make to enhance or diminish our anxiety.

There are several ways to fight anxiety including mindfulness, yoga, self-care, behavior interventions, nature, and CBT skills work, just to name a few. But the most important (and first step) is awareness. Are you self-aware? Can you acknowledge and identify anxious behaviors in your life and their effects, both positive and negative? Once you are able to come to terms with HOW anxiety plays a part in your life, you are more easily able to decide WHAT part you want it to play moving forward.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

Anxiety...What Does It Mean To You?

February 4, 2018 Katherine Biggs

Anxiety, the word itself can elicit a physical response. It can be described as an emotion, a physical sensation, a biological response, and simply a sense of being. Anxiety is a primal survival necessity, and has evolved with us throughout time. It can be a short-term state of mind, or a long-term state of being. For some people anxiety is what you feel before a big test or presentation, for others it’s a little more frequent and stays around longer, and then for some anxiety is a dirty word. It’s something that plagues their everyday life, changes the way they do things, and causes very real physical as well as emotional symptoms.

Although anxiety is a necessary part of survival, it can often become a horrible burden, altering all aspects of daily life. Of course, we all feel stressed out and worried at times for various reasons. But the primary component of the most common anxiety disorder (generalized anxiety disorder) is excessive anxiety and worry about a number of events or activities (APA, 2013).

Those who struggle with anxiety experience symptoms ranging from “butterflies” in the stomach or hands, to intrusive thoughts, and even heart palpitations.

When your worry and anxiety become out of proportion to the situation, and you find it interfering with daily tasks and your ability to concentrate, then it may be time to seek some support.

Some quick anxiety facts:

Affects more women than men
More prevalent in low-income populations
Occurs throughout life
Accounts for 110 million disability days/year in the US (APA, 2013)

Common symptoms include:

Muscle tension
Fatigue
Disturbed sleep
Difficulty concentrating
Irritability
Abdominal pain

The brain is an amazing organ that can process emotion, danger, and information in an instant. However, when there is an imbalance of any aspect of the brain and its function, it can alter an individual in countless ways for an entire lifetime. It is truly amazing that science has been able to discover how the brain processes and uses something as complex as anxiety. But at the same time, science is unable to tell us exactly how to prevent it from becoming uncontrollable. We are so close, yet so far away.

Does that make you anxious?

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

References

American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders

(5th ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing.

The Self-Care Challenge

January 29, 2018 Katherine Biggs

While you may be more familiar with a selfie than you are self-care, that doesn’t mean it’s less important. In fact, self-care is one of the most popular search terms. Mental health professionals are constantly talking about self-care, in regard to our clients but also each other. We know the toll work, family, general adulting, can take on a person, and we know the importance of replenishing oneself. So, what the heck IS self-care, and why is it so important?

Let us discuss.

My dear friend Wikipedia defines self-care as, any necessary human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated (2018). Simply put, self-care is anything we do to take care of ourselves. But is that it, is that what all the excitement is about, well no. To truly see the benefits of self-care we must appreciate, be mindful of, and find rejuvenation in, the act of self-care. Meaning, self-care is different for everyone.

While taking a hike in nature, being mindful of the fresh air, finding peace in the calm environment, may be very fulfilling for me; someone with pollen or grass allergies may find this act stressful, anxiety inducing, and somewhat painful. Not at all self-care for the person with the allergy. Additionally, an hour yoga class may be an amazingly restorative experience for you. But for me, I’d rather spend a half hour running as hard as I can (which is still pretty slow) to “burn my stress out”, as I like to call it.

As our daily lives become more stressful, as we take on more responsible, it is pertinent that we not only identify those activities that work to replenish our “wellness bank”, but we must also implement them on a daily basis. Frankly, who in your life does not need a little self-care right now?

Some general ideas for self-care, and some you may not have considered, include:

Yoga – Restorative yoga, as I mentioned, can be a fantastic self-care activity.
Reading – Many of us enjoy getting lost in a powerful story, just be careful to choose ones that will not take away from, or add stress/anxiety to, your already maxed out “wellness bank”.
Gardening – Personally I have a black-thumb, but if yours is green, go for it!
Hiking – Be mindful of the fresh air, the noises in nature, and the calm of your surroundings. As long as you are not allergic to anything, simply being in nature can be the most restorative (and cheapest!) act of self-care out there.
Running – If you like to “burn your stress/anxiety out” then count your run as self-care, and be mindful of the restorative qualities you are receiving.
Barre/Pilates/Boot camp/whatever? Class – Have a great class you love to go to but don’t always make the time? This week, challenge yourself to go, maybe even a few times, and notice your stress levels before and after the class. Was this restorative for you? Yes, then great, be mindful of it, and add a class to your weekly schedule.
Massage – Being mindful of the muscle tension relief and focusing on your breathing during a massage can be extremely beneficial physically and mentally.
Meditation – With hundreds of years in existence, meditation must offer something great right? People quit their jobs and dedicate their lives to the practice of meditation and its teaching. It definitely has powerful benefits. Give it a try, it certainly can’t hurt!
Swimming – Lap swimming can be restorative for so many reasons. This activity is not only low-impact, you can do it all year, and there is no place quieter than under the water.
Fishing – Being in nature, watching the water flow and waves lap, waiting for a fish to bite, can be bliss. If you’re not going to eat your fish though, please throw him back, the act of catching him was your self-care.
Walking – I’m not talking about walking from your car to into work, or to the bus stop with your kids. I’m referring to the act of taking a walk in your neighborhood, the park, on a treadmill if the weather is bad. Clearing your mind while you move your body can do wonders.
Being in nature – Remember what I said about hiking? It applies here too. Be mindful of the fresh air, the noises in nature, and the calm of your surroundings. As long as you are not allergic to anything, simply being in nature can be the most restorative (and cheapest!) act of self-care out there.
Playing an instrument – For those of you (not me), who are musically inclined, playing an instrument, focusing on the music and reverberation of the sound can have astonishing restorative qualities.
Listening to music – Clearing your mind and focusing on music, especially instrumental pieces, can replenish your “wellness bank” in just a few short minutes.
Floating (aka. Float Therapy) – Now I haven’t personally tried this, but I know some who have and swear by it. If you’re up for a self-care adventure, there are places you can go to practice float therapy (aka. floating in water by yourself) in individual “pods”. Google search it, I bet you’ll be able to find somewhere near you to give it a try.
Treating yourself to… - Whether it’s a latte or a new tech gadget you’ve had your eye on, treating yourself to something (within reason) every now and then, can be a really fun act of self-care.
Looking at artwork/going to a museum/gallery – Focusing on pieces of art and giving your attention to the detail within, can fill up your wellness bank faster than you can say Vincent Van Gogh.
Playing with your kids – Putting all of your housework, office responsibilities, and daily to-do’s aside, and just simply playing with your kids can be tremendous self-care for you, and validating for your kids. Really, when was the last time you built a cool sofa fort, or got caught up in taking care of baby dolls? Try it, your kids, and your soul, will thank you.
Cleaning – Seriously! For some people, throwing themselves into cleaning can be very restorative and validating. Talk about a 2 for 1, you get a clean house and a chance to clean out your mind.

Challenge yourself this week to try a few new self-care activities, and rethink some of the things you already do on a daily basis. Is there anything you could be more mindful when doing, that might help replenish your wellness bank? Is there anything you are already doing for self-care that wasn’t on my list? Please comment below and let me know, I’d love to keep this as a running list for us all to use.

Next week, I want to know how your self-care challenge went and what you learned. Also, I’ll be talking about anxiety, and how we can use self-care to battle the symptoms.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

Who Are We As Parents?

January 21, 2018 Katherine Biggs

I had originally planned on writing about competitve parenting this week. The topic has been coming up for me a lot in my personal life and with my clients, I thought it was worth exploring a little more. But as I began writing, I realized that the point I was trying to make with the discussion of competitive parenting was not the competition of it, but how we as parents and individuals deal with those moments, and what that does to our well-being and that of our children.

What do I mean when I say “competitive parenting”, well if you’re a parent then you know exactly what I mean, you just may not be familiar with the term. I'm referring to those situations where you find yourself basing your parenting decisions on those around you. Essentially “keeping up with the Jones’s” parenting-edition.

For example, one parent gives their child $5 for the first lost tooth, then another friend in class has a parent who ups-the-ante to $10, and by the time your child loses her first tooth the going rate is $100! (This example was adapted from a real-life scenario, seriously!) Sometimes these competitive parenting moments can be helpful, one child received $100 for their first tooth and you know that the tooth fairy will not bringing a 3-digit gift to your little one, but that opens up a great conversation about the value of a dollar and ways to earn money around the house through hard work.

Then there are those moments that are just silly, and hopefully we can all take them with a grain of salt. These are the times when you meet a parent in passing who can’t help but tell you about how fabulous everything their child does, and how they only go to the best schools/activities/parks, you-name-it they have found the best of it. Grain of salt.

Finally, the moments that I want to focus on are those that truly hurt us all as parents, as people, and in turn negatively impact our children and what they learn from us. These are the moments when we as parents feel so insecure about what we are doing that we have to go over-the-top to prove to the world that we are the best parents ever. We are all guilty of this at times. We have all felt the need to “win” at something in the parenting game. Whether it’s “my baby sleeps longer than yours, so I must be a good parent”, or “I have more kids than you do, and I’m able to make it to preschool on time, I'm doing this the right way”, and you can’t forget the ever popular “my child was potty-trained at X months old, and your kiddo is still having accidents, clearly I should write a parenting book”.

Let me ask you, where do these moments get us? While there may be some validation in the short-term when you are the parent making the statement, but does this really give you the reassurance and confidence in your parenting that you are looking for at the end of the day? Let me answer that for all of us, no it doesn’t. There is no parenting-comparison that will make you feel successful as a parent. The only thing that makes us feel truly successful is seeing our children grow into a strong, kind, confident individuals.

Ask yourself this, will your child be able to reach their full-potential if they are regularly being used as a pawn in your own game of competitve parenting? And does that truly increase your own feelings of confidence as a parent, or do you still doubt almost every parenting decision? I'm guessing the latter is true.

I’d like to suggest an alternative to all of this competition, why don't we all acknowledge that parenting is hard, REALLY hard. It is the hardest job in life. And every day we fail, every day we try as hard as we can, but we fail in some way. We fail because we are human, we are going to fail. But we keep trying day in and day out, and that is what makes us good at this job. We don’t give up, we are parents every day of our lives until our last day. Why don’t we look at that fact, the dedication to trying our best every day even when we know we are going to fail, as the confidence boost we need and want.

Accepting ourselves as we are, human and vulnerable, and finding strength in that will teach our children to do the same. Finding similarities and mutual ground with each other, instead of ways to one-up, will teach our children to do the same.

Be the person you want your child to be and they will learn to be the confident adult they need to be to succeed.

Next week, I would like to explore self-care and ways to replenish what the world depletes. Do you have a favorite self-care activity? If so, let me know so I can add it to my list please! I'd love your help.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

When is it time for a parenting life line?

January 14, 2018 Katherine Biggs

Ok so we've all had "those days" as parents. You know the ones, where your child won't do anything you ask, and is very particularly doing everything in his or her power to make you run out of the house screaming. You're convinced you've given birth to the first part human-part-monster baby. Then there are those days when you honestly stop and ask yourself, "should I be worried about this?" Those days are different than the demon-possession ones, they are the ones where your parental antennas shoot up and are on high alert. So how do you know when to worry, or ask for help, and where do you start? Here are 5 clues that you may want to use a life line in the game of parenting....

1. Are you frazzled more often than not?

And we're not talking about over a short timespan, like when you first move your kid into a big boy bed because he's getting a new baby sister. Or when you've been on family vacation for two weeks and are now returning to normal life. Or during cold and flu season when your baby is constantly either recovering from or coming down with whatever virus-of-the-week is going around. All kids have ups and downs, developmentally they often take two steps forward and one back. But if you're finding that over the course of a few months both you and your child are struggling with the same behaviors/issues, and nothing seems to be working, you may want to flag that for your next visit to the pediatrician.

2. Is it not "normal", or not "normal" for YOUR KID?

Every parent asks themselves at some point, "is this normal?" For some parents it's a question that is asked on a weekly basis, and for others it's more like hour-by-hour. What you need to ask yourself, "is this normal for my kid?" If the answer is still no, then maybe it's a red flag.

3. Are other people noticing?

It's one thing for parents to worry about their children, especially in regard to growth and development, but it's another thing for a teacher to worry as well. Teachers, daycare workers, and childcare staff are around kids all day long everyday. They know what to look for and they know what falls well within the lines of typical developmental patterns. So if your babysitter, preschool teacher, daycare worker is talking to you about concerns that you have also had about your child, it may be time to pay attention.

4. Is it dangerous?

Ok so you try not to worry too much about your kid, but sometimes you just can't help it. It's normal for kids to become aggressive at times, especially times of transition and high stress. They just don't have the tools yet to deal with their feelings of anxiety and insecurity in any other way then acting out. However, sometimes it isn't just anxiety and insecuirty, it's a physical cry for help. When your kid is putting themselves in danger, like banging their head against a wall, or hurting others (punching or kicking), on a regular basis, then it's time to reach out for help.

5. Check your gut.

A parents intuition is an amazing gift. If your gut is telling you there's something going on with your munchkin, listen. It never hurts to talk to your pediatrician or a counselor. Many places, including Congruence Counseling, offer free consultations, take advantage of the resources you have within your community. Everyone needs help sometimes, and when it comes to parenting we're all roaming around in the dark without flashlight.

Please remember these are not hard fast rules, these are suggestions with a hint of general guidance. If you have questions or concerns, it never hurts to ask. And in the meantime try not to let the miniature army you created take over your world!

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

*This article was originally written & published for the Sprout Center for Emotional Growth and Development website.

Better Late (& consistent) Than Never?

January 9, 2018 Katherine Biggs

And we’re off in a new year, by this time our schedules are going back to normal, and we may have even made (or broken) a few resolutions. Many people spend the first few weeks of a new year taking stock of the past year and planning for the coming months. Reviewing goals and accomplishments and creating resolutions are a right of passage into January. However, we all know that those resolutions often fall to the wayside once stress and responsibilities start to take over.

This year I have been drawn instead to the idea of a mantra. A mantra can be defined as a statement or slogan repeated frequently. Creating a personal mantra, or slogan, and reminding yourself to stick to that throughout the year, may fit a lot easier into your life than a resolution that only lasts a few weeks. Additionally, if you are able to implement and use something in your life throughout the year, the benefits will be much greater than those from a resolution that started strong but disappeared when the snow melted.

For 2018 I challenge you to create a mantra, in lieu of the traditional resolution, and see how it holds up throughout the year. Additionally if you want to put a fun twist on it, see if you can match your mantra to the first letter of your name. For instance my first name is Katherine, and my mantra for 2018 is "karma".

For me personally I liked using the word karma because the idea of putting good things in the world and trusting that good things will come back, is something I can apply to all aspects of my life. Spending time thinking about karma, creating good karma, and believing in the power of positivity will affect my life, and the life of those around me, more meaningfully than a goal of sticking to a budget or joining a new gym.

As we move into the daily grind of 2018, take a minute to create your mantra, or personal slogan, and see how it motivates you throughout the year. Does it help push you through the stressful times and validate you during the good ones? Does it give you a sense of accomplishment? Seems like it's worth a try to find out.

I'll be test driving "karma", what about you? Let me know what your slogan is and how it works for you.

On the list for next week...Is it time to use a parenting life line?

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

Loving Kindness...Even When It's Hard.

December 19, 2017 Katherine Biggs

I hear the term “loving-kindness” used frequently in everyday conversation. For example, the other day I overheard a mom suggesting to her son he use some loving-kindess with his brother. When I heard the term being used, my counselor ears perked up, and I wondered if she knew the origination of the term loving-kindness, or if it was just her way of saying, “stop it, and be nice to your brother!” And there was the inspiration for the topic of this week’s post, Loving-kindness even when it’s hard.

The term loving-kindess typically refers to a type of meditation, loving-kindness meditation, practiced in Buddhism. Loving-kindness meditation, as described by the Metta Institute, is connecting to the intention of wishing others or ourselves happiness (Metta, 2017). In the last few years as meditation and mindfulness have taken a more mainstream path, we have begun to see these terms more widely used in all aspects of life, from the yoga studio to your doctors office.

Research tells us that loving-kindness meditation can increase feelings of well being, decrease negative emotions and depression symptoms, increase ability to manage stress, increase self-esteem, and increase long-term positive emotions (Seppala, 2014). If you are interested in learning more about the actual practice of loving-kindness meditation, check out the Metta Institute website for details and instructions.

So we know that loving-kindness meditation can be extremely beneficial to overall well-being and happiness, but how do we practice at times when it’s hard, I mean REALLY hard. This time of year everyone is talking about travel plans, family gatherings, and social celebrations. It is almost inevitable that during these times, old feelings, happy and sad, are brought to the forefront. Past family feuds, old arguments, and long-term rivalries often begin to take the drivers seat during even the most innocent holiday get together.

In order to be skillful and manage anxiety, I often recommend pre-planning for these occasions. Spend time thinking about your feelings about the situation bringing you anxiety, practice some self-awareness, ask the tough questions of yourself about why you are feeling the way you do. Think about the skills you should use in the situation, maybe do some yoga to start the day off right, or practice deep-breathing in the car before going into the party.

This would also be a great time to practice some loving-kindess meditation, send yourself and the person(s) bringing you anxiety love and acceptance. But how do we do this when it is REALLY hard, I mean those situations that have years of emotion and pain behind them. How do we wish someone love and acceptance when we might not have forgiven them yet?

This is when my favorite answer comes into play: only you know the answer that is right for you. Maybe you can’t forgive the person, or the situation, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try to accept the reality of the present. Perhaps you focus your thoughts on just simply accepting the person and your emotions, instead of judging either to be good or bad/right or wrong. Your answer will come from the time you spend in self-reflection and awareness.

The practice of loving-kindness is never easy, whether you’re focused on yourself or others. But the times in which it is especially difficult, are the ones where you will find the most insight and growth. After all, the most difficult lessons in life are usually the most rewarding.

Your thoughts?

Next week, Your Mantra for Your Year.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

References

Metta Institute (2017). Retrieved from http://www.mettainstitute.org

Seppala, E. (2014). 18 Science-based reasons to try loving-kindness meditation. Retrieved from

http://www.mindful.org

Holiday Anxiety Survival Tips....'Tis the Season to Stress Out

December 11, 2017 Katherine Biggs

Regardless of your beliefs and traditions, this time of year is stressful, in fact “it’s the most stressful time of the year”. With year-end responsibilities at work, winter-break from school for the kids, family responsibilities, travel plans, holiday celebrations, and gifting craziness, stress and anxiety peaks quickly and stays put well into the new year.

So how do we survive all the stress and responsibilities, and still have some energy to enjoy the fun? Here are a few tips to try, see what works for you.

Get Organized.

Santa makes a list and so should you. Instead of keeping sticky notes everywhere, or trying to keep track of your to-do’s in your head, take a minute to get organized. Make one list and keep it somewhere convienent for you to update and manage. Whether it’s a note on your phone or tablet, or a good-old-fashioned paper and pencil list, do what works for you and keep it up-to-date. Plus, it’s rewarding to check-off those “done” items as you work through the list.

Set Reasonable Goals & Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help.

Santa spends the entire year preparing for the holiday season, and he has elves to help him. Don’t expect that you’ll get it all done in one weekend. Now that you have your list made though, it will be easier to get through those to-do’s. Divide up that list into small reasonable segments, and don’t forget it’s ok to ask the elves in your life for a little help.

Know Your Limits.

You are not a superhero, as much as you may want to be (we all secretly want to wear a cape on a daily basis, right?), so don’t try to act like one. It really is ok to turn down an invitation to a party, or to miss the road trip to visit your Great Aunt, if it means pushing yourself to the breaking point. Know your own limits and defend them with all of your wanna-be-superhero strength.

Use Logic.

Has your anxiety convinced you that the holiday season will be ruined if you don’t do get to the end of your to-do list? Or are you feeling like the ONLY person who gets sad and lonely this time of year? Battle your anxiety with logic. Will the holiday REALLY be RUINED if you don’t get to the end of your list, or will it more likely be just fine? This time of year can be especially emotional and distressing for a lot of people. It is ok to not feel cheerful, you are not alone, and it doesn’t make you the Grinch. It makes you human.

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say It to Yourself.

Negative self-talk can push anxiety through the roof. You know that voice in your head that says, “everyone else is having fun, why are you so sad”, “all the other moms make the holiday perfect, why can’t you”, “you have to finish this before you go to bed, or you’ve failed AGAIN”, that’s negative self-talk. Shut it down as soon as you recognize yourself doing it, and replace those judgemental phrases with ones like, “it’s ok to be sad, everyone feels sad sometimes”, “everyone has struggles, no one is perfect, even if they seem so on Facebook”, or “it’s ok to sleep when you need it, you are human and you NEED to sleep”.

Practice Self-Care.

So often during the holidays we lose track of the things we do to take care of ourselves, because we’re trying to take care of everyone and everything else. But like they say on the flight announcements, “put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others”. You need to take care of yourself, so you can take care of others. First and foremost, practice good sleeping and eating habits, that way you will be able to function at your best. Plus, with all of the holiday deals right now, this is a great time to buy a package to the new yoga studio you’ve been wanting to check out. Or grab a massage gift certificate for a friend and one for yourself. Use that coupon to buy the book you’ve been wanting to read. Once you’ve taken the first step to purchase the service or item, you’re much more likely to go through with it. Take care of yourself, you deserve it.

Make Your Own Holiday.

Years ago my husband and I made our own holiday, Pajamakah, and we celebrate it the first Saturday of December. It’s a day where we turn off our phones, watch movies in our jammies, and cook a nice dinner to celebrate simply being together. Now this is what is meaningful to us, how we enjoy spending time together, it may not make sense to you but find what does. What makes you feel calm, relaxed, and content? Schedule a time to do that, and make it happen!

3 Good Things.

Research shows that the “3 Good Things” rule works in the fight against depression and anxiety. Every night before you go to sleep, list three good things that happened in the day. Everything from getting out of bed on time to finishing that year-end report at the office counts, the only rule, no repeats. Once you’ve used it, it’s off the list next time. Some days this list will come easy, others not so much. Challenge yourself to do this every day for one week, it’s a great habit to start for the new year.

Last but definitely not least....BREATHE!

Deep breathing REALLY DOES WORK for anxiety. Count to 5 slowly as you breathe in, count to 5 again slowly as you breathe out, do this AT LEAST 6 times, and you will feel a difference.

In the end no matter how many tips and tricks I list, it will still be the most stressful time of the year, and not always the most wonderful. For many people, this is the worst time of the year. And that’s ok. I think the important thing to remember is, we all have SOMETHING to celebrate as the year comes to end. It may be that you survived the worst year of your life, or you’ve enjoyed the best year yet. Just be sure to take the time to figure out what it is you are celebrating and be sure to do just that....celebrate.

Next week, “Loving Kindness, Even When It’s Hard”.

Have a topic you want to know more about? Let me know, I appreciate the suggestions.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

Mama's and Meltdown's

December 3, 2017 Katherine Biggs

Did you know?

· 60% of women experience some type of mood change during pregnancy and post-delivery

· 15-30% report significant depression following childbirth

· 50% of “postpartum” issues begin BEFORE delivery, and can occur within the first YEAR

· Partners and spouses are also known to be at risk for developing depression during this time

Did you also know that risk factors for perinatal & postpartum depression include:

· C-section

· Pregnancy/birth and breastfeeding complications

· Diabetes

· Lack of social/emotional support

· Stressful life events, like a move, job loss, etc.

Additionally, we have free weekly support groups for parents of kids with special needs, and those navigating life after loss, to help families in all stages.

4. Consultation. If needed, I can work with your family doctor, or OBGYN, to discuss medication options.

5. Additional resources. In some cases additional support, outside of individual therapy, may be needed. When this happens, I work with mom and the family to find the right fit and services.

Next week on our blog.....Holiday Survival, 'Tis the Season to Stress Out!

Have a topic you'd like me to discuss, let me know.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP

References

Clout, D., & Brown, R. (2015). Sociodemographic, pregnancy, obstetric, and postnatal

predictors of postpartum stress, anxiety and depression in new mothers. Journal of Affective Disorders, 188, 60-67.

Perinatal Depression and Anxiety Australia. (2015). Impact of postnatal depression (Data

file). Retrieved from http://www.panda.org.au/practical-information/about-postnatal-depression

Philips, M.L. (2011). Treating postpartum depression. Monitor on Psychology, 42(2), 6.

Postpartum Progress. http://www.postpartumprogress.com

Why Congruence Counseling?

November 20, 2017 Katherine Biggs

Since opening Congruence Counseling I’ve noticed that the first question people often ask is why the name “Congruence”. So it seemed natural to make my first blog post the answer to that question, “Why Congruence Counseling?”.

Throughout my life I learned, for various reasons, as we all do, to focus on my outward image and did not spend much time worrying about the person on the inside. I had a good career, a nice house, and great friends, but I wasn’t happy. I came to the conclusion that I was just one of those people who would never be happy, never be content, never be satisfied. Then I was introduced to the concept of congruence, and the world opened up to me. I was not only able to find happiness, but also meaning, and a second career along the way.

Congruence as a psychology term, according to Carl Rogers, refers to one’s ideal-self matching their actual behavior. In other words, feeling as though the person portrayed to the outside world is the same as, or congruent to, the person or feelings experienced on the inside. Carl Rogers, the father of client-centered therapy, believed that without congruence one would not be able to reach full life potential.

I am certainly not an expert on Carl Rogers, or person-centered therapy. I actually take a more integrative approach and pull techniques and theories from multiple schools of thought depending on my client, but this was a concept that spoke to me. Moreover, incongruence or the lack of congruence, can cause anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, the list goes on. I agree with Rogers, congruence is key. It would be virtually impossible for someone to feel content in life and find meaningful happiness, when they are also feeling incongruent.

This concept, congruence, not only helped me change my life, and myself but also inspired me to help others do the same. I’ve known from the moment that I set the goal of having my own practice; the word congruence would be incorporated. Therefore, Congruence Counseling seemed like the perfect fit.

Now how does all of this apply to YOU?

Well maybe it does, and maybe it doesn’t. Perhaps you are at a point in life where you are content, fulfilled, happy, and satisfied. If so, nice work, I am genuinely excited for you. But perhaps you are not. Do you feel anxious, depressed, lonely, or empty? Have you faced a loss, recently or even years ago, that still feels unsettled? Are you struggling, or know someone who is having a hard time?

If so, I’d like to help. Maybe not now, it might now be a great time for you, but is it EVER a good time? Aren’t you, or your loved one, worth the effort? I’m available for individual and family sessions; there is no obligation or expectation. Come in and talk, if it doesn’t feel right to you, I will help you find a better fit either at Congruence Counseling, or somewhere else.

I honestly just want to help, and give back to my community. I was born and raised in the North Hills, I’m raising my family here, and my practice is here. I am heavily invested in the well being of this community, its families, and its people.

Next question? What is your specialty or specific interest area? Answers coming soon in Blog #2, Mama’s and Meltdowns.

Have questions or topics you’d like me to explore? Send me a message; I want to hear your thoughts.

By Katherine Biggs, MSCP