It’s that time again. Seniors are applying for colleges, waiting for acceptance letters, visiting campuses, re-taking their SATs, and making the final push towards the next step. For so many seniors, the bulk of that work is done. Some have started the applications and some have even sent them in. But not everyone has gotten that far. For some of these kids on the threshold of adulthood, just the thought of having to make such a big decision can paralyze them with fear. These are the kids whose parents try to help and are met with “maybe…” and “I don’t know…”. Parents are left to worry- will they make a decision or will they be left behind? If you are one of those parents, don’t panic. There are things you can do to help guide them towards the choice that is right for them.
First, consider why your child might be stuck. Sometimes asking can get you an actual answer, but more often it will be met with “I don’t know”. So, you’ll have to put on your detectives’ hat and see if you can figure it out. Think about your teen and what you know about how they’ve handled choices in the past. Have they always been slow to make a choice, but eventually come around? If so, continue to monitor and provide your gentle reminders and suggestions, but allow them space to go through their process. Have they always needed you to make the final decision? If so, try discussing this with them, and work on teaching them how to weigh pros and cons and make choices. These situations will come up again, and soon you won’t be able to make the choices for them.
If your child is one who usually has no problem making decisions, or if they are one who is prone to anxiety (I know, two total opposites), I would recommend that you consider a more in-depth chat with your Senior to find the root of the problem. Let them know that sometimes this happens in the adult world, and help them work through their roadblock. Work with them to make a list of their worries and help them reframe them into more realistic pros and cons.
Some kids worry that this choice might define them, or that if they are unhappy with it they will be unable to make a change. Some worry about being away or making you unhappy. Some just don’t like making choices. Whatever the situation, let your teen know you are there to help them with this choice and teach them skills so they can make life decisions in their adult life. And, as always, if things feel overwhelming or out of the ordinary, contact someone who can help.
By Lindsay Brunswick, LPC